Shyam Anandampillai MSc(A), MA is a creative arts therapist and a licensed psychotherapist, with postgraduate degrees in Drama therapy and couple and family therapy from Montreal, Canada. I have 8 years of experience working with individuals, couples, families, and groups in community, private, and university settings, dealing with mental health issues, relational conflicts and minority stress issues.
Why does everything feel so overwhelming, even when I’m trying my best?
I hear you. The world feels incredibly overwhelming right now. We're exposed to
So much more information, and the baseline for functioning has risen.
Young people, especially, are feeling the weight of it. Being in a stage of life that's
Already full of developmental and physiological changes, it only adds to the intensity.
It's like carrying the awareness of everything happening in the world, while also
navigating personal expectations—your own, your peers’, and your parents’. At
the same time, you're trying to make sense of a deep well of emotions that this
complex period of life can bring. It’s a lot for anyone to hold.
What’s striking is how young people are showing, even in their bodies, the impact
of environmental degradation and the fragmentation of our communities. One of
the keys to coping may lie in overcoming isolation and reconnecting with
others, with ourselves, and with nature. When things feel overwhelming, keep
coming back to your breath! It's our best friend in those moments.
How do I know if what I’m feeling is normal or something I should be worried about?
It depends. But at the heart of this question, I wonder if you're really asking: Am I
receiving enough validation and normalization for my emotions from the people
around me? Do those in my support system understand me? Do I feel safe
enough to express myself? Or am I gaslighting myself, minimizing or dismissing
what I’m truly feeling? And if so, why?
It can also help to explore whether you have support in distinguishing between
intentional, constructive thinking and anxiety-driven rumination, which often isn't
helpful.
Another important question is: Are there regulated nervous systems around
me, people who help me stay grounded and reflect myself accurately? Or am I
in a chaotic environment where I’m constantly absorbing stress without having
space to process or express my own experience?
These questions are meant as invitations for awareness and reflection, not
judgment.
What do I do when I feel like no one gets me?
This is a difficult, yet deeply important question. I imagine it can feel lonely and
leave you feeling unsupported. There are two parts to consider here: What’s my
role in this feeling, and what’s the role of my support system?
On a personal level, investing in emotional literacy can be a powerful step.
Emotions are like a language—learning to identify and name them is essential.
Even if people in your life don’t fully “get” you—because of generational, cultural,
or time-related gaps—communicating your emotional experience might still
create a bridge. That can be a starting point for connection. Tools like the
emotions wheel can help build this vocabulary.
As for your support system, it can also grow. Therapy, self-help resources,
and regular check-ins can help deepen understanding. Sometimes, shifting away
from formal interactions like dinner table talks or structured meetings and
proposing an activity together can create a more natural space for connection.
It’s also worth asking: Is this a global feeling, or does it show up only in certain
spaces like home or school? If it feels global, explore whether certain beliefs or
narratives are sustaining it. Have earlier experiences shaped a generalized
“truth” that no one understands you? Healing often involves challenging these
internalized beliefs by testing them.
For instance, can you identify one or two people with whom you feel safe enough
to share something meaningful and feel understood in return? That experience
can serve as a counterexample and begin to shift the belief behind the question.
How can I stop comparing myself to everyone around me?
Social comparison, especially on social media, can quickly lead to envy and
even depression. When you compare your messy reality to someone else’s
highlight reel, it’s easy to feel inadequate. But remember: those perfect posts
rarely reflect the full story.
In Dutch, there are two words for envy: benijden (“I wish I had that too”) and
afgunst (“I hope they lose it”). The first can motivate growth; the second feeds
toxicity. Too much comparison, whether online or in real life, can lead to shame
or resentment. Instead, try to shift from comparison to appreciation. Ask: What’s one thing I’m
grateful for right now? That small shift can change your entire outlook.
Here are some practical ways to manage comparison and reclaim your
well-being:
● Hide likes and focus on meaningful content.
● Use tools (or AI) to block toxic comments.
● Take regular “envy breaks” to reset with self-care.
● Share your struggles, not just successes. Growth is messy.
● Keep a gratitude journal. Small wins can shift your mindset.
● Practice “dopamine fasting”: take breaks from social media to
rebalance your brain’s reward system.
● Spend time on real-world activities—exercise, time with loved ones,
or nature to stabilize dopamine.
● Create content aligned with your values, not just for likes.
● Celebrate effort-based achievements, which boost serotonin and
foster lasting well-being.
Ultimately, moving from comparison to connection, with yourself and
Others can lead to more grounded confidence and peace.
Is it okay that I don’t have everything figured out yet?
Yes, of course. But take a moment to notice how that response sits with
you? Is there any resistance to it? If so, it’s worth exploring why.
“Figuring it out” can feel like an overwhelming expectation. As our brains and
identities continue to develop, we’re constantly learning new ways of being and
deepening our relationship with ourselves. That process is ongoing. So the idea
of having everything figured out can actually feel unnatural.
It’s important to be gentle with ourselves during this growth. We also need to
recognize how internalized capitalism can push us toward constant productivity
and pressure sometimes in ways that go against our authentic rhythms.
Learning to distinguish those external pressures from our true hopes and dreams
is part of the work.
Trying new things, stepping out of comfort zones, and even “failing” are essential
parts of learning. Building the capacity to tolerate discomfort through self-love,
honest self-reflection, and seeking support when needed is what helps us grow.
So no, you don’t need to have it all figured out. And you definitely don’t need to
do it alone. We’re social beings; we need each other. Let’s normalize that need
for support.
